What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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