toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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