Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
