the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
