okay pat passed out under dana's car
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
