im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
