so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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