In the future we'll all be gay
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
