Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
