Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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