she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize