I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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