I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
