That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
