Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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