Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
