Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
