I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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