I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
