Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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