I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
