Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
