he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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