I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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