I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
