Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize