i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize