is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
