My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
