Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
