people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
