I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
