so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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