The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
