We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
