After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
