just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
