Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
