why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
