We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
