I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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