Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
