i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
