My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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