He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
