I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize