dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
