I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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