I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
