Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
