watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
