Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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