Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
