bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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