I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no you cant smoke seaweed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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