Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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