Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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