So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
