forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
