the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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