Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
