that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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