The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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