I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
