your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize