But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
