Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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