I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
