I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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