I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
