Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
