Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize