my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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