My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
