a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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