Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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