the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
